Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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