I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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