Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
