mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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