I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She even gives head with a lisp.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
