I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
