I just pynch a tree in the face
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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