I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
