the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
