I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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