HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
