whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
