The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
