nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
