You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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