Four minutes until I can fart!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
