I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
