I puked a lego.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
