I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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