She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
