Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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