It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
