"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
