The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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