It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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