ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
