i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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