I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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