Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
