My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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