i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
