i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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