I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
