he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
