i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
