she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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