My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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