The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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