even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
