Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
