I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
