Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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