I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
