Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
