im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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