If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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