After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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