My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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