hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
