So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
