he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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