She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
