I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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