I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
